Kidding Yourself

It infuriates me only so deeply when somebody attempts to convince themselves they’re something they’re not, and not only themselves but the public too, people they know and people they don’t, including professionals. In reality I probably shouldn’t take any notice and shouldn’t retaliate neither, and yet subtly I can’t help but snivel anger and loathe the person that’s only lying about something thats far to close to home. Autism; a diagnosis at which I was given at 7 years of age, a diagnosis which is chronic in the sense it’ll never be cured and is permanently set, embedded in my mind and body, personally I never want it to be rid from my mental or physical state anyway, it’s apart of my personality, it’s all I’ve ever known. I feel like people with AS, truly have a sick sense for when it comes to noticing others with AS or similar diagnosis, you know when diagnosis speaks truth and when it’s a lie or symptoms, traits are being mimicked. As much as it makes me feel special, unique, and gives me many talents or gifts to unfold and entail, it still comes with a lot of difficulties I’ve had too and am still learning to overcome daily, why anyone would want to have those difficulties or be apart of something that at times can be so hard to deal with, I can’t quite understand; when a person searches thoroughly and obsesses over mental health conditions or learning disabilities in order to obtain a diagnosis, at which they only know about through knowledge of research, rather than because they actually have the condition itself, or even to obtain financial benefits, is merely wrong, the fact that they even managed to convince themselves or even others to go through the diagnostic process in the first instance, or actually have a desire themselves to want the condition, is a clear sign that there’s something bigger going on, more so mentally than anything else; ever herd of Munchausen’s Syndrome? This person I speak about doesn’t have Autism, not even close, they’re sociable, inattentive, talkative, can wash, cook, move around outside and inside unaided and independently, travels alone and aren’t necessarily the cleverest of people (it’s known generally that those on the higher end of the spectrum are known for being rather intelligent individuals), they don’t have any particular obsessions or interests, they’re not typically organised, they don’t nor have ever experienced meltdowns, a need for routine, and there interest of the subject only seemed to of started once they learnt about the condition through myself a few years ago, not mention that’s when they also began filing through tests on the topic and related conditions. If I felt the diagnosis was a true and meaningful one, of course I’d be the first to accept having the condition myself, but I only know that it’s mimicked and just a text book presentation, a facade, I know that person all to well, they constantly seek for something to be wrong, it’s just not normal, standard behaviour, I’m only curious now as to what the next problem will be. Probably some reading this will question why I’ve bothered, when the behaviour that person shows is so repetitive and so far unchangeable, others would wonder if I’m not envious or jealous, whilst some will just simply agree; why should they be allowed to pass through the system so easily and with limited effort, when others who actually do actually have the condition and are trying to get a diagnosis struggle? The system is flawed, especially when they’ve now got kicked out of there house in order to obtain a place of their own; that shouldn’t be how it works and yet it is; none of it’s genuine. Anybody can look online at symptoms of ODD, ADHD, ASD etc. and act the traits out to both non professionals and professionals in order to obtain a diagnosis, it’s honestly not that hard so to speak, or not that I’d imagine, which is why it’s more important than ever for a person to get diagnosed as soon as the symptoms develop or show, Autistic traits classically are presented from birth or a young age typically, and if the concern is their from any parent, family member etc. then action should be taken almost immediately in order to benefit the child and their development, not when you’re in the beginning’s of adulthood and are just sitting aimlessly, lazily, wining over the littlest of things when they’re not going your way like a child who’s being purely un-co-operative, this may all sound a little harsh, even insulting to a degree, but with a subject taken out of a context, one that’s being used as a lable wrongly, where it’s so personal to myself, I only felt that everything I’ve said, needed to be done so and whether they come across this post or not, I honestly couldn’t care because I’m just speaking the truth and it’s what I feel, it’s the main reason to why I ever stopped having anything to do with them and until they come to terms and stop living in denial, open their eyes and start living in the real world, that there’s literally nothing wrong with them and stops making excuses for why they say or do things, then any relationship I ever had with them, won’t ever be reprimanded or taken back; their just kidding themselves.

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